Autistic ADHDer
PCOS and OCD-sufferer
Depressed, sometimes
Queer
Working class
Woman
But also sometimes,
Funny
When I don’t mean to be, which makes me excited. Awkwardly asking what was funny so that I can make sure I do it again on purpose next time.
Conflict averse
Which, to my detriment, often means ‘people pleaser’ or frequent user of exclamation points in emails and desperate cries of “no worries if not!”
Thoughtful
Thoughtful as in, I will remember you said that you had a big day at work coming up or a difficult conversation with family, and I will drop you a text to say good luck or send you expensive postbox flowers even though I’m in my overdraft.
Selfish
I can put my own comfort first. I can be flaky and I can be weird about sharing things, or people, or attention. It comes with a lot of guilt and it’s not something I like about myself.
But I’m not only selfish and conflict averse
And I’m not only funny and thoughtful
And I’m not only a depressed working class woman
One day day I am all of these things
Some days I am nothing at all
But I am always
The world
An entire planet, with two legs that carry me to neighbouring planets
I traverse galaxies of people who are never the same one day to the next
I feel everything I’ve ever been as I spin slowly on my axis
Evolving, revolving
So much more to come
So much more yet to be